Lets begin with I’m sorry for not having posted anything in March. I probably should have written this blog post sooner to keep you informed on what is going on behind the scenes.I am writing this spontaneously as a I take a break from packing my luggage. So, here’s a quick overview of events.
First off, what happened?
For over a month I’ve been unemployed. Thankfully I haven’t been starving thanks to family members who also live in California helping me out. Financially, I’m not making any money, but my family help makes sure I’m not living on the street. This helped me significantly as I actively searched for a job to support myself. However, weeks after weeks of being rejected by multiple employers from fast food restaurants to office work at stores no one been hiring me.Seeing my bank account decrease out of necessity for food is demoralizing. I’m someone in my family who likes taking pride of being a responsible adult. Ever since I was little I told my parents how much I wanted my own home, and my own place. I’m not oppose to accepting help, but I much prefer being able to sustain myself than be entirely reliant on another person.
Second, trouble getting sleep.
Something I’ve been having trouble doing around the second week of March is sleeping. At first I’ve thought nothing of it since on a regular basis I have trouble sleeping. This time is different as I could go on for days 52 hours, 38 hours, and so forth without sleeping. Problems with my body went unnoticed for the first 18 hours, but past that I notice extreme emotional mood swings. In a instant I went from being grateful that my helped me out in my hour of need to becoming hate fill, delusional that they were taking pity on me. I talked out my feelings with my family about me being dissatisfied in my current position (at the time) not being to provide for myself, and my fear of possibly nothing being in my bank accounts.
This should have relief some fears from me, but it didn’t. It continued up until two days where I was finally able to get a good night sleep. It could be a result of false memories which can cause a lack of oxygen from reaching the brain. Now I do think I cause my own issues with false memories. I’ve read some pages on the Lost Media Wiki on real life events, and some of the incidents I’ve read about stayed in my head. There’s also the increase fascination with the Deep Web I’ve taken an interest in. I would like to use something like the existence of the Deep Web for a fictional story so the more I learned how twisted it can be the more I wanted to know. So, me reading for writing inspiration from the real world prevented some sleep. I still don’t know the cause of momentary sleep deprivation, but for the mean time it hasn’t returned for now.
Lastly, I’ve got to cut this short.
Sorry this blog entry is rather short. I return to regularly posting in April once I land in Kansas. Another factor into a lack of posting also comes from intensively playing video games, and not trying to be too demoralized. Video games help feel accomplished for a short while before returning to the real world to realize I’ve been unable to find another job for over a month. I find it best to be comedic in lifting my spirits, but if I fail in my time in Kansas looking for a job than I got to get my complex issues with Pittsburgh University in Kansas to resolve. Besides my credits, we got bad history with a college university black mailing me for money.
I might go over what happened in that incident in another blog post once I land in Kansas, but in the mean time I’ll get ready, and work for a better livelihood that I can reach, and maintain to the best of my ability. I’m sorry I posted next to nothing this entire month. I’m hoping to make up for it by making sure the same thing does not happen for the remainder of the year. Also, seriously f@#k cancer. I had trouble accepting a friend sudden death from cancer cause he kept it from me, but I’m grateful he allowed me to treat him like any other friend, and received no special treatment from me for it. It’s a different experience knowing your friend cancer, and could possibly die from it compare to it just being sudden. Either way, I deal with my personal life best I can, and everyone reading this you also do the same in your own personal life. Next time I post, I’ll be in Kansas. Laters!